The first trimester was pretty rough. With Kiernan I was “carsick” the whole time but this time I have been genuinely sick. Mom who wants a girl says this is a sure sign that baby-x is a girl lol.
I have so many fears about how things will go. I am afraid of the usually sort of AMA related risks and I am afraid of the adjustments for Kiernan. I am afraid of how much this will all cost. Our child care situation for Kiernan has been almost perfect and it cannot continue because my work is moving so I am worried about what we will do in that regard. I am worried about quality and cost of care for Kiernan moving forward and for baby-x at the super important formative period that is the first year. I am worried about the pain of labor and I am worried about not being able to nap when the baby naps like I was able to do with Kiernan because I have to be awake to take care of Kiernan.
I keep thinking about how amazing it is that practically everyone does this, that my parents did this, and that my friends do this. I am astounded by the stamina of every parent I see in the grocery store. I am so jealous of people who can stay home with their kids.
I do get that staying home is very very hard. I feel like between the hard of being separated from my family and the hard of being driven crazy by them I would given my druthers chose the later.
I wish that my new work were as close to home as my current work is so that I could go home and do the lunch with the kids’ thing and the nursing instead of pumping and the just being who I mostly think of myself as.
I wish my mom were retired so that childcare could be easy and safe seeming.
I wish we had lots of money so that we didn’t have to worry about getting a new car and worry about child care and worry about credit card debt.
Also I wish I could eat soft white cheeses lol.
This pregnancy is 100% planned. We decided to do this knowing all of the worries that would come with it (well most of them).
Kiernan will in all probability benefit greatly from having a sibling. He will have family after we are gone. He will learn to play with and share with and fight with a peer. Baby-X in some very off kilter way is sort of like getting Kiernan a puppy.
We wanted to have two kids pretty much from the get-go and because of our (typical for this era) late start the sooner the better. We wanted Kiernan to be young enough to not have that displaced only child thing too much if we could help it. And 2 years seemed about right….it will be closer to three years but we are slow ;) We still have lots of baby gear and know how. We have a great pediatrician. We both have good jobs we are both healthy with some energy for sleepless nights. It is a good time to do this.
I have had a ton of Dr.’s visits and given lots and lots of blood and so far so good. All is well and the baby seems healthy. In fact the baby seems just as hyper on ultrasound as Kiernan did.
During the last ultrasound every time the technician pushed the probe over the baby it would turn onto its back and begin kicking at the offending object with great enthusiasm. It was pretty funny.
Now that I am fairly safely in the 2nd trimester and the fatigue is leeching away and the nausea is waning I am feeling better about the whole prospect.
It must be said that David is a rock and that I am so grateful to have him.
There is a lot of fear though.
I have so many fears about how things will go. I am afraid of the usually sort of AMA related risks and I am afraid of the adjustments for Kiernan. I am afraid of how much this will all cost. Our child care situation for Kiernan has been almost perfect and it cannot continue because my work is moving so I am worried about what we will do in that regard. I am worried about quality and cost of care for Kiernan moving forward and for baby-x at the super important formative period that is the first year. I am worried about the pain of labor and I am worried about not being able to nap when the baby naps like I was able to do with Kiernan because I have to be awake to take care of Kiernan.
I keep thinking about how amazing it is that practically everyone does this, that my parents did this, and that my friends do this. I am astounded by the stamina of every parent I see in the grocery store. I am so jealous of people who can stay home with their kids.
I do get that staying home is very very hard. I feel like between the hard of being separated from my family and the hard of being driven crazy by them I would given my druthers chose the later.
I wish that my new work were as close to home as my current work is so that I could go home and do the lunch with the kids’ thing and the nursing instead of pumping and the just being who I mostly think of myself as.
I wish my mom were retired so that childcare could be easy and safe seeming.
I wish we had lots of money so that we didn’t have to worry about getting a new car and worry about child care and worry about credit card debt.
Also I wish I could eat soft white cheeses lol.
This pregnancy is 100% planned. We decided to do this knowing all of the worries that would come with it (well most of them).
Kiernan will in all probability benefit greatly from having a sibling. He will have family after we are gone. He will learn to play with and share with and fight with a peer. Baby-X in some very off kilter way is sort of like getting Kiernan a puppy.
We wanted to have two kids pretty much from the get-go and because of our (typical for this era) late start the sooner the better. We wanted Kiernan to be young enough to not have that displaced only child thing too much if we could help it. And 2 years seemed about right….it will be closer to three years but we are slow ;) We still have lots of baby gear and know how. We have a great pediatrician. We both have good jobs we are both healthy with some energy for sleepless nights. It is a good time to do this.
I have had a ton of Dr.’s visits and given lots and lots of blood and so far so good. All is well and the baby seems healthy. In fact the baby seems just as hyper on ultrasound as Kiernan did.
During the last ultrasound every time the technician pushed the probe over the baby it would turn onto its back and begin kicking at the offending object with great enthusiasm. It was pretty funny.
Now that I am fairly safely in the 2nd trimester and the fatigue is leeching away and the nausea is waning I am feeling better about the whole prospect.
It must be said that David is a rock and that I am so grateful to have him.
There is a lot of fear though.
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