i am pregnant.
this is big news but i don't want to tell anybody until i see the Dr and find out if everything is good.
I know that my age puts me at higher risk for a lot of chromosomal abnormalities also having never (to my knowledge) been pregnant before i don't know if it will take.
on the other hand
i know most people who would care
would like to know as early as possible and share in all the ups and downs and hypothetical futures that pregnancy has thrown our way.
so i thought i would do a blog and block it until its time to tell all.
this way you will get the condensed version but also the sort of day to day updates.
i meant to start it the day we got back from California but i couldn't quite summon the energy.
mostly i have been very tired in the afternoons and sick in the mornings.
End of May and into June
from the beginning then
well i doubt anyone wonders too much about the beginning.
let us just say that i was pregnant before going to California but it wasn't confirmed until we were there.
i really thought about bringing the possibility up with Davids mom
i thought about it a lot
she would have been happy
but i wasn't sure
and i felt like telling her would confuse things in useless ways
like telling her would either take away what ever permissions we were trying to give her to go if she was ready
or
like telling her would take the spotlight off of her
she so deserved the spotlight.
if the baby is a girl and healthy and all the things we hope for we are going to name it Elise in homage to that wonderful beautiful kind brave righteous woman Elsie Kuehnert.
After Davids mom passed so many indicators started popping up that we decided to take a test just to know for sure...
it is hard in a grieving household that so much needs each others company and support to be newly pregnant. I was despondent and jittery and hesitantly elated. it was really messed up. it was a relief to have something to look forward to... to have something potentially wonderful to talk with David about. honestly the escapist in me went right for it as an antidote to the pain of wow i loved her and why did she have to suffer like that.
so by the memorial service that next weekend i had taken the test and gotten the positive results. what a week.
we started driving back to Maryland just 2 days later.
i was sick as a dog
so far as i can tell being pregnant for me is very like being carsick all the time
ug
and sleepy
but mostly carsick
i was smuggling crackers in my hoodie pockets and munching all the time to keep from throwing up
i haven't been throwing up
which is great
i loved the trip
i wish we had all the time in the world so that we could have stopped everywhere and hiked about.
End of June
We are back now and have been for about a week.
we told mom so she could help us find a good OB
which she did
i made an appointment last Friday but the first opening they have isn't until July 28
i asked for a consult
just to see if i like the Dr
but it seems so long that i am probably going to change the consult part to just plain old first visit.
i quite want a triple screen test to check for Down Syndrome and NT defects
i know that David and i are chromosomally compatible
we did out karyotypes back when we worked at Molecular Medicine. I am going to try and find them and put them here on the blog.
anecdotes of note
a few months ago Kathryn proposed that we have a race to see who could get pregnant first
i win
Judy knows about this bet
and asked me the other day how things were going
ohh the agony
i might have cracked and told her
but we were at Ruthies house surrounded by people and if i said "oh i won" she might have reacted strongly and then i would have to have told everyone
which i really don't want to do
let all see my public apology here to Judy for not telling her that i had won and in fact for telling her that the game was still afoot
sorry Judy
back in California
i had this conversation with Lore about another conversation between David and his mom about whether/if we would ever have kids
aarrrr
i want to tell everyone
it is all very interesting
i know people would be happy
i hope this makes up for some of not telling
i am happy to write about it
i am nervous about defects
we don't know what to do about child care
i always thought i would not work and take care of my kid/s until school age
we just cant swing that
money money money
at least we have good insurance
welcome to my blog
:)
missy
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